Questions and Answers
by Skye1963
Summary: #3 of the Little Children verse. Castiel has questions that only one other Angel could answer. He goes to Joshua and asks "Why me?" The answers he receives are startling and revealing. Some angst, lots of love.


_Season 9 spoiler alert_

_#3 of the Little Children verse. In this story, Castiel explores his reasons for what he had done in the past. He has questions that can only be answered by Joshua who now lives in the bunker with others of their siblings. A/N-I've been doing this as a series of short stories so don't worry, I'm not leaving you in a lurch. I honestly didn't start out to do the story like this but my muse insists on it. My muse tells me that I have at least 3 more short stories before the main story. The slave driver!_

_I want to thank my sister, Ginnylove9990, for her input on this storyline. _

_As usual, I don't own Supernatural or any of its characters. That is Eric Kripke's pleasure._

Questions and Answers

When Castiel was a soldier in his Father's garrison, he never questioned any order he was given, even the one that said he had to descend into Hell to retrieve the soul of one Dean Winchester. If he had, he would have asked why he of all of the Angels needed to be the one to do so. He was one of the youngest even though one of the most fierce. There were plenty of others who had more experience than he did and it should have made him wonder why. But since he was a good soldier and a good son, he never questioned the reason until now.

Sam had had a bad night, waking up coughing every twenty minutes. He was healing but the damage done by the trials had been extensive. Cas, who had a bed in Sam's room, stayed up with the hunter, making him drink water and take medication. Around two in the morning, Dean came in with a pot of coffee and some sandwiches saying that Sam's fevers and illnesses always seemed to be worse at night. Since Cas' own body was still adjusting to life as a human, he was very tired. Dean noticed it and made him go back to bed before he had two patients instead of just one. The older hunter's gruff manner actually warmed Cas' heart, knowing that Dean covered his deepest feelings with rough language and an even rougher tone. When Cas was falling asleep, he saw that Dean had pulled a chair between the beds to watch both his brothers.

As he slept, Cas began to dream. It was more of a flashback but still had a dreamlike quality. He dreamt of the time that he flew into Hell and found the soul that was Dean Winchester. Dean had been standing over a soul on a torture rack with a bloody knife in his hand. What really surprised Cas was that Dean himself wasn't a demon since it was usually when a soul was blackened and demonic that they got off the rack. True, there were very black areas on the soul but, for the most part, it was still human. When Cas finally wrestled Dean out of Hell, he purified Dean but was still curious as to why Dean hadn't turned totally into a demon. When he looked, he saw the strong and pure love of his brother that had been the reason Dean didn't go darkside. It made sense to the Seraph since Dean went to hell to save his brother.

When he met Sam with Uriel by his side, he remembered the hunter as the tiny child that sat on Jay's lap and was very angry that his brother had been taken in by the abomination as had Dean. He could see the demon blood that coursed through Sam's veins but missed seeing the bright soul that resided within the man. It took months before the blinders were torn off his eyes and he felt terrible about what he had done. By letting Sam out of the panic room, he had allowed a sick person leave the one place where he was safe. Castiel felt that he was the reason why Sam broke the last seal, why his brother rose out of that cage and why the brothers' bond almost shattered. It almost shattered Sam's faith and that was almost unforgivable, or so Cas thought. Then Sam forgave him, _him_ an Angel of the Lord, one of the Celestial Choir and it hurt. Cas couldn't cry but he wanted to as Sam just held him in his pain. He felt the blessing that Jay had bestowed on that tiny baby so very long ago and it warmed him in a way that he really didn't understand at the time.

Cas turned in his bed and mumbled as he slept. Dean reached over and ran his fingers comfortingly through Cas' hair. He was worried about the ex-Angel, worried that Cas wasn't adjusting to being human as quickly as he thought Cas should. Cas calmed down and continued to dream/remember.

Cas remembered how Sam was the one who comforted him when Dean had decided to say yes to Michael. How Sam broke his heart when he decided to say yes to Lucifer so he could put the devil back into the cage. When the Angel went down to Hell to rescue his brother, Sam fought against him, screaming that he _deserved_ to be in Hell for everything he had done. The Angel thought he had gotten Sam out but then his hopes were dashed when Dean demanded that he check the vessel out since Sam was not Sam. He found that Sam's soul was still be tortured by Castiel's brothers, the thought alone almost shattered him. He knew what the soul would be like and told Dean, for his own sake, that he needed to leave the soul in Hell but Dean decided to make a deal with Death.

That was only part of the reason Cas didn't want Sam's soul back. Mostly, he couldn't stand the thought of the look of disappointment on Sam's face when he realized what Cas had been doing. He was correct. When Sam and Dean figured it out, Sam was very disappointed but it didn't stop him from trying to help Cas make the right decision.

Then Cas broke Sam's wall down, promising Dean and Bobby that he would help his friend once the war in Heaven was over. Sam was incapacitated, reliving all his Hell memories but that didn't stop him from trying to stop Cas. He even was able to stab Cas in the back, something that had hurt Cas' feelings until later when Sam explained that he had felt that if someone had killed him, maybe the Apocalypse wouldn't have started in the first place. It was a secret between the two of them that Sam had been angry and hurt that Dean didn't keep his promise to kill Sam if he went darkside. Cas forgave Sam and the two started to become almost inseparable, even if Dean didn't know it.

Even though Castiel had a profound bond with Dean, the bond he had with Sam was even deeper and based on trust, forgiveness and love. It was the very reason why Castiel could take on the hallucinations. Sam was also the one who Cas went to when he found he was falling in love with Meg. At first, Sam was worried that Meg was using Cas like Ruby had done to him but then he realized that all Meg had done was for Cas' well-being, not because she was using him. She actually put herself in danger when she was watching the Angel, not something Ruby had done for Sam but it was something that Jess would have done. So Sam, like a good brother, spoke to Meg at length. Because of their history, especially when she had possessed him, Meg couldn't lie to Sam without him knowing it. She told him that she too had deep feelings of love for Cas and that she wanted to keep him safe. Sam nodded and gave his blessing to the union saying only that they needed to keep it secret from Dean who wouldn't understand and only see her as a demon. Both the Angel and Demon agreed. Before Meg died at Crowley's hand, she asked Sam to keep her unicorn safe. His heart broke but he said yes. His heart broke even more when he watched her die, her eyes on Sam as her purified soul left her vessel. Sam was the one who broke the news to Cas and held him as the Angel cried.

Cas smiled as his dreams became more dreamlike then just memories. Meg was in them as well as Dean and Sam. He dreamt that they were living together and had many children running around. Dean wondered what his friend was dreaming about when Cas began to make happy noises in his sleep.

SPNSPNSPNSPN

Cas finished his breakfast then washed his dishes. When he was done, he went to check on the two choirs that now resided within the bunker. When the Angels were initially kicked out of Heaven, Castiel was worried that Abaddon would get his or her (depending on the sex of the new vessel which nobody had seen yet) hands on the two very powerful choirs since it meant that he/she would be able to garner so much power. It would make him/her almost impossible to keep out of Heaven and away from all the souls that now resided there. Crowley was the one who volunteered to look for them while Cas casted a spell to call the Principalities to him. When they appeared, he told them what happened and asked for their help to protect the others. They agreed. They and the Dominions were fully powered since they were not dependent on Heaven, spending most of their time on Earth.

Between the Dominions, Principalities and many Cupids, the Winchester Family was able to set up homes near the bunker for some of the newly Earth-Bound Angels. The Thrones, Seraphim, Cherubim, Virtues and Powers though were given a home within the bunker since it was the most protected area on the Earth. Then the Dominions went looking for other runaway Angels since Gabriel and Metatron were not the only ones to leave Heaven. Like Gabriel, many of them hid among the pantheon of demi-gods. Isis, Osiris, Frey and Freya were among the Angels who had hidden themselves from the Host. Then there were the kachinas and Manitou who also were fully powered Angels. It took some talking and persuading but, in the end, they decided to help out. The town around the bunker grew by leaps and bounds as the Angels started to move there.

Since there were so many Angels now living in the bunker, the Dominions and Principalities expanded the protected area so there were now apartments as well as the main bunker. With the Winchester Family's help, the Angels were slowly adjusting to their new powerless state. The Angels were also looking through all of the books and scrolls in the bunker, trying to find a way to reopen Heaven. One thing they all agreed on was that they needed to get Cas' grace back since it was the key to closing Heaven in the first place.

Cas was looking for Joshua, the only Angel who still heard God. He needed to ask a question of the Throne. Joshua had insisted on making a hydroponic Garden in the bunker and that's where Cas found him.

"Joshua," Cas greeted the other Angel.

"Castiel, how are you doing today?" Joshua responded genially.

"I am fine. Yourself?" Cas asked.

"I too am doing fine though I wish it was safe for me to go outside. I do understand Dean's point about Abaddon though I wish he wasn't so loud about it," Joshua grinned. He really liked the Winchester boys and understood them far better than his siblings.

"Yes, he can be loud but I have found out that the volume of his voice masks the worry that he has. The louder he is, the more worried. Sam has also told me that Dean can mask love and affection with harsh words and sarcasm. He said that it comes out as a surprise when Dean accesses his inner softness and lets people see it," Cas explained.

Joshua laughed, "I've seen that in action, especially when it comes to his younger siblings. One of which I believe he counts you as."

Cas blushed, "He calls me and Sam twins."

"Ah, so he has felt the bond between the two of you," Joshua said. "Dean is a very empathic person if he allows himself to be. I have found that his empathy is buried deep but he does know what our older siblings go through. He has started to treat many of us like younger siblings. It can be…disconcerting."

"Yes," Cas said. He gathered his thoughts for a minute then began his questions, "One thing that I wonder about is why am I so attached to the Winchesters, especially Sam. I understand why Jay was, it is who he is but why am I?"

Joshua grinned. He wondered how long it would take his much younger sibling before he started to think about the why of things. "You remember the first civil war in Heaven when many of our brothers and sisters were cast out?" Cas nodded. He remembered that sad event very well. "Some of those who were cast out begged for forgiveness for their transgressions. They were not like Abaddon and Azazel but more like a child who had been led astray. Father took pity on them and, even though He took their power away, their graces, He also gave them a way to redeem themselves. They became the prophets, the Hunters, the Men of Letters, the saints. It was because of them that men still believe in God and are protected from the demons."

Cas thought about what Joshua just said. Then he asked, "Does this mean that Sam and Dean are Earthbound Angels?"

"Well, they are the products of our Earthbound siblings marrying among the humans and reproducing," Joshua clarified. "Since their births had been orchestrated for many generations, they are the first to be close to their progenitors."

"How? Didn't Father make Nephilims illegal since that war?" Cas was confused.

"Father felt that since they didn't have their graces, the Earthbound had the right to be happy, to reproduce since their issue would be needed to help protect the humans. The Earthbound had become mortal and they were then subjected to Death's very short time clock," Joshua explained.

"Joshua, Dean told me that Sam glowed while he purified Crowley. Why would that happen? Was that his soul getting ready to leave this mortal coil?" Cas went on to his next question.

"Tell me, did he resonate with the word?"

"Yes, Dean told me that is what Metatron had said," Cas answered.

"Castiel, one thing that Father told me a very long time ago was that the Earthbound would be forgiven and they would one day be given back their grace. I believe that the glow that was within Sam was his grace growing. Between the two of us, Dean's grace is also growing as is Kevin's and the girl, Charlie's. Metatron was a fool when he had Sam do the trials if he didn't want any fully powered Angel who could unlock Heaven," Joshua said mysteriously.

"What do you mean?" Cas asked confusedly.

Instead of answering right away, Joshua filled a large bowl of water and put it on the floor. Then he found a small pebble and tossed it into the water. "Like that stone cast into the water to cause ripples that will affect the whole bowl of water, Sam getting his grace affects all of the children of the Earthbound. Those who are closest in proximity to him will receive theirs first then it will ripple out to affect all Hunters, prophets, vessels, saints and the rest of the children. Soon, we will have enough fully powered Angels here on Earth to help the rest of us. Our graces will start to resonate as if we were still connected to Heaven. We will be as we had been before Metatron threw us out. The best part, Castiel, the best part is that you yourself will be healed. You will still need to regain your grace but you will have all your strengths and powers again."

There was one last question that bothered Castiel, "Why me?"

Joshua paused. Then asked back, "What do you mean why you?"

"Why did Michael choose me to rescue Dean from Hell? Why did I change my mind about Sam? Why are Sam and I so very similar?" Cas asked in a rush.

Joshua smiled largely. "Well, it's about time," he said softly. Then in a louder voice Joshua said, "Like it had to be Dean and Sam as the vessels for Michael and Lucifer, it had to be you to become so very close to the Winchesters. You, my brother, were always destined to be a brother to those two. Let me explain. When Meg first met Sam, she didn't know it but the tiny part of goodness that was still in her then black soul, reached out in joy to the shining soul that resides in Sam. That goodness grew, especially after she possessed him, even though she made him do terrible things. When she finally was freed from Sam…"

"What do you mean freed from Sam? I thought she had put a binding link on him to keep any exorcisms from working," Cas was again confused.

"That part of her soul which was purified hungered for more of a contact with Sam's soul so it was the reason why Meg put the link on him in the first place. She herself wasn't aware of the reason or that his soul would latch onto hers in an attempt to heal it. It would have been very painful for her to stay in his vessel for very long. That contact jumped the purification ahead where it would have taken years to achieve that level. She was drawn to him and she fought it but after all the contact, she was purified enough to love you and care for you very much to the point she sacrificed her life for you." Cas bowed his head in sorrow and pain. Meg's death once again cut through him like a knife.

Joshua lifted his chin and looked the sorrowing young man in the eye, "You asked me why. Why you and Sam were so much alike. It's because that upon his meeting with you, Gabriel and Jay, that his own grace started to grow. When he was doing the trials, the grace's growth leapt forward to a level that should have taken years on Earth. You gave him something didn't you?"

Cas turned red, "He said that he liked the glare I gave Gabriel so he kept it and it became his 'bitchface' as Dean calls it."

Joshua was quiet and a bit shocked then he laughed! He laughed so hard that he doubled over. When he looked up, he noticed the Castiel glare that was now the Sam bitchface and he cracked up again. It took him five minutes before he could pull himself together and five more minutes before he could talk. "Sah…sorry about that Cas but when God told me you had bonded with Sam and marked him, I honestly didn't think your mark would be so…so….so _different_! The…the reason why it had to be you was that you and Sam are Celestial twins. You were never complete until Sam was born. You were to be guided and taught by Dean-your older brother, to help bring us back to the correct path of helping the Humans. Again, like the pebble that is thrown in the basin, your humanity, your love of humans will affect all of our siblings, bringing us back on the path our Father wants us to be on."

"Why didn't you tell this to Michael and Raphael?" Cas wanted to know.

Joshua was sober as he answered, "They had to go through their own testing. Unfortunately, they failed but you didn't. Neither did Gabriel, Anna and Balthazar. You have all sacrificed yourselves for our baby brothers and sisters. It may not have seemed like a very fair test but that's our Father, not telling us the why of things."

"So…Father chose me specifically? To what, become human?" Cas asked.

"I can only guess but I believe that Father knew that something like this would happen. He needed someone to help us through this trauma. I also believe you were sent to help the two Winchesters to become who they were actually meant to be," Joshua speculated.

He waited patiently as Cas thought about everything he had been told. Finally the young Angel looked up and said, "Thank you brother. You have given me hope." Cas then pulled Joshua into a very rare hug. They stayed that way for a while before Cas pulled away. Sniffing a bit, Cas said, "Got something in my eye (Dean's influence, Joshua thought). Um, I need to go but if you need anything, come find me (And there is Sam, Joshua hid his smile). Thank you again, Joshua," Cas murmured before leaving the room.

Joshua stayed where he was then smiling, he said to the Voice he heard, "You were right. They _are _rubbing off of each other! There is hope for us after all." He smiled as the Voice continued to talk about his newest garden. The two of them always did love watching growing things blossom and it was Joshua's job to make sure they flourished. The Winchester Family was definitely blossoming.


End file.
